A Beginning to the End

For now this is private...but one day...I will share the moments that I am about to embark on. I am 37 years old, two kids, a half husband, dog and cat. I live in a suburban suburb that is less than superb and I feel like I am in a cave...stuck in hibernation...and cant awaken.

Well guess what...I am WAKING UP!!!!

Today I found out some disturbing news....my DHH, (dear half husband), has some extra curricular activities that he chooses to keep disclosed from me. He has found a new hobby of supporting other women and their needs, dreams, hopes, and wishes...of course while all scantily clad. The website mygirlfund is quite amusing really...all these young girls basically begging for money while exposing themselves for it while old bastard men...such as my DHH...amuses themselves into thinking they matter.

Maybe I should back up here...Maybe this would not be a problem if my DHH and I had a healthy normal intimate life but we dont. As a matter of fact he has not interest in me whatsoever! He has not touched me intimately in almost a year and only 2 time thus far this year! I am anxious to see what next year holds for us.

It has came about that he has his own secret life, I guess I just stumbled in the rabbit hole and found it. I could take the victim role...again...as I did with my ex...but this time...NO...Im done! Im done with the hurt, the humility, the pain that it causes me emotionally. Guess what...I DONT care anymore!

So...today...I get myself back...I get revenge maybe...I find freedom. One day...my DHH will notice me again...My EX will notice me again....but more importantly I will KNOW me!

So..that is why this title is what it is...a beginning to the end...because although everyone around me is none the wiser, I have begun a journey, an exploration to find ME.....Watch out ME...Here I COME.....

So today I weigh 260 pounds...I was tossing around 230 - 240 before I quit smoking but after I let that go I managed to find the magical number of 260. Of course in my mind I will never eat again! but we all know that is not true...what will I do ... Im not sure ... but I do know this ... this time next year ... I will be unrecognizable!

Im not doing this for DHH, nor my EX, nor my children, but...only for myself...My gift to me!

Good Luck Morning Starr.......