Monday, December 3, 2012
End..Week...WeakEnd...
Well got through the weekend...was not so bad I guess. The holidays are really helping keep my mind active and off from what DHH does...for fun...to cause me pain!
I know he knows that I know...why does he not just talk about it...apologize even! I am still so confused as to why he is with me...leave if your not happy...or dont love me...how could he love me...when he enjoys hurting me...how can you not care if you hurt someone you share your life with? I will never understand!!!
So...anywho...back to me...lol...today starts my "watch what I eat" plan...hopefully it doesnt turn into actually just watching what I eat! LOL....but today I have wanted this this and oh yeah...this...but I kept telling myself no and settled for a bowl of oatmeal...it was not so bad.
I really want to get myself to a point where I am eating to live not for enjoyment and find other things to do for enjoyment. I notice I have begun associating food with fun..and fun with food...this is not good, and I must stop! I would love to be back to at least 200 by the time swim season kicks off...I know being smaller will allow me to be a better runner and quicker..lol..and I really want to get into the running circuit...but I know just yet...I need to condition myself...at least through the winter. I figured watch what I eat...walk a few times a week and start changing my mindset.
Lets see where I am next week!
I know he knows that I know...why does he not just talk about it...apologize even! I am still so confused as to why he is with me...leave if your not happy...or dont love me...how could he love me...when he enjoys hurting me...how can you not care if you hurt someone you share your life with? I will never understand!!!
So...anywho...back to me...lol...today starts my "watch what I eat" plan...hopefully it doesnt turn into actually just watching what I eat! LOL....but today I have wanted this this and oh yeah...this...but I kept telling myself no and settled for a bowl of oatmeal...it was not so bad.
I really want to get myself to a point where I am eating to live not for enjoyment and find other things to do for enjoyment. I notice I have begun associating food with fun..and fun with food...this is not good, and I must stop! I would love to be back to at least 200 by the time swim season kicks off...I know being smaller will allow me to be a better runner and quicker..lol..and I really want to get into the running circuit...but I know just yet...I need to condition myself...at least through the winter. I figured watch what I eat...walk a few times a week and start changing my mindset.
Lets see where I am next week!
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